A Typical Summer Sunday.

Guest 1: Excuse me, when is the guided tour?

Me: Its at 2pm.

Guest 1: Okay *walks away*

Guest 2: *walks in*

Me: Hi can I help you?

Guest 2: Oh I'm just browsing.

Me: Well, there is an admission fee. Would you like to purchase your ticket?

Guest 2: What? I have to pay!? That's not fair!

Guest 3: *hauls her bicycle in while I'm dealing with Guest 2*

Me: Excuse me. You can't bring your bike inside.

Guest 3: Oh, I don't want to lock it up so I'm bringing it with me.

Me: You can't. There's a bike rack out front.

Guest 3: I don't have a lock so I'll roll it through.

Me: You can't do that.

Guest 2: *starts to sneak inside*

Me: Excuse me, sir! You need to pay.

Guest 2: But I'm just going to browse! *runs inside*

Me: *gets security on the walkie-talkie* We got a browser.

Guest 4: Hi. I'm under 25. I get in for free, right?

Me: You do. I just need to see an ID with a birth date.

Guest 4: *Hands me a college ID with no birth date*

Me: I'm sorry this won't work. I need something with a birth date.

Guest 4: That's stupid. There's no college students over 25.

Me: ...Are you serious?

Guest 3: Excuse me! I want to bring my bike in.

Me: I'm sorry you can't bring your bike in.

Guest 3: What am I supposed to do with it then!?

Guest 2: *Is marched out by security* Hey! They said I had to buy a ticket!

Me: You do!

Guest 2: You didn't tell them I just wanted to browse?

Me: You can't!

Guest 4: I don't want to show you my Drivers' licence. I don't like the picture.

Me: I'm not looking at the picture, I assure you.

Guest 4: *sighs heavily*

Guest 1: Excuse me. When is the 2pm tour?

Me: ...at 2pm.

Guest 1: But its 1:45 now and I don't want to wait.

Me: You have to. Our Guide isn't here yet.

Guest 1: Can't you tour us?

Me:. No!

Guest 4: *has shown me her ID and I give her a sticker* IDs are stupid.

Me: Yes they are. Please wear this someplace visible and enjoy your stay.

Guest 3: I'm STILL needing to know where to put my bike!

Me: At the bike rack!

 Guest 3: I don't want to use the bike rack!

Me: Then I can't do anything for you!

Guest 4 *comes back* Security says I need a sticker!

Me: I handed you a sticker. What did you do with it?

Guest 4: I threw it away.

Me: You're supposed to wear it!

Guest 4: You didn't say that!

Me: Yes I did! *hands her another sticker*

Tour Guide: *Comes in* Okay! I'm ready o clock in!

Guest 1: *comes back to my desk* You know, I want my money back if there's not going to be a tour.

Me: Our guide just arrived.

Guest 1: So do I get a discount because she just arrived?

Me: No! Its not even 2 yet!

Guest 3 :My bike!

Me: Take it outside!

Guest 4: Can I have another sticker?

Me: Did you throw yours out again?

Guest 4: No. I just want another one.

Me: No!

Events Tech: *enters*  Bathrooms are backed up.

Me: Son of a...

Guest 5: *enters*

Me: Can I help you?

Guest 5: Oh, I'm just browsing.

Me: That's it! I'm going on break!

ITS FOR THE GREATER GOOD!

Man: Can I make a comment?

Me: Sure.

Man: You need a bike rack out front! Because I rode my bike and I had no place to lock it up! we're trying to encourage pedestrian and non car travel and organizations like YOU make that IMPOSSIBLE with no bike rack!

Me: Oh, we actually do have a bike rack. Its just to the left of the entrance.

Man: Oh....well...You need to have ANOTHER Bike rack where I can SEE it, then! Because we're trying to encourage pedestrian and non car travel and organizations like YOU make that IMPOSSIBLE!

Me:...I'll pass that forward, sir.

No Means NO, Not "Just a Peek"

I catch a couple ladies trying to sneak into a closed area.

Me: I'm sorry ladies, but that area is closed.

Lady 1: But the lights are on.

Me: We're doing work in there. You can't go in. But you can go to this area.

Lady 2: This area is closed?

Me: Yes.

Lady 1: Okay. We're just going to take a peek inside.

Me: I'm sorry, you can't go in there. Its closed and there is construction.

Lady 2: Just a peek! We'll be right back!

Me: No! Its CLOSED!

Lady 1: We'll only be a second!

Me: Ma'am, you can't - *They dash inside the closed area* AUUUUGHH! *I run after them*

Both of them were annoyed with me for chasing them out of the building.

Another Day...

Guest: Whats the photography policy?

Me: You can take non-flash photography.

Guest: But I don't know how to turn my flash off.

Me: I'm sorry, you won't be able to use your camera then.

Guest: That's totally unfair. I'm going to use my camera anyway.

Me:...No.

**********

Guest: So what's this Thursday night event you're doing?

Me: Well, every Thursday this summer we stay open late. We have free admission between these hours, we have a cash bar, live music, you can bring a picnic out to our garden area, and we also give tours and workshops!

Guest: ...So nothing else is happening other than you're open late.

Me:...Umm. No.

Guest: So what else do you offer than extended hours then?

Me: Things we don't do everyday like free admission, a cash bar, live music, picnicking, tours, and workshops.

Guest: Mmmm...Yeah, doesn't sound like anything different.

I Am Disenchanted With Your Shenanigans.

Me: I'm sorry sir, you have to leave your backpack at the front desk.

Old Man: How do you expect me to take photos without my backpack?

Me: Oh, you can bring your camera-

Old Man: *Cackles* I'm just kidding with you! You thought I was serious!

**minutes later**

Old Man: How long have you been working here?

Me: Nine years.

Old Man: And in those nine years...have you ever wondered what wood your desk is made out of?

Me:...No.

Old Man: Well, its OAK! 

Me: *stares at him*

Old Man: Want to know how I know?

Me:...No.

**A few more minutes later**

Old Man: I want to make sure you're keeping an eye on my backpack.

Me: I will watch it for you, I promise.

Old Man: Good...because I have TWO GUNS inside it! Because I'M from TEXAS you know! Because Texans do that and you people don't! 

Me: ....*looks at him flatly*

Old Man: *waiting for a shocked response*

Me: ...and?

Old Man: ...Uh...well-

Me: I don't find that shocking.

Old Man: Well-

Me: My husband owns a gun. 

Old Man: Oh I-

Me: Do you need anything else or should I call security on your two guns?

Old Man: *Frowns* No, I don't have two guns.

Me: Have a nice day.

I'm Not Well Versed in Interpretive Dance.

Lady: Hi I want to bring in 50 students to the free area but I have questions.

Me: Okay. Just to let you know, that area doesn't open for another 30 minutes.

Lady: I know that, but I just want to know.. *makes hand gesture*

Me:.. If its entirely free?

Lady: No! I want to know ... *hand gesture*

Me: ..I'm not sure what you are asking.

Lady: *sighs* I JUST need to know... *hand gestures*

Me: *Stares* We open the gates at 10am?

Lady: Its a simple question! Can they.. *Hand gestures*

Me: ....Touch things?

Lady: *sighs*No!

Me: Then I'm not sure what you want to know, M'am.

Lady:What are the basic rules to the area and can I bring 50 kids in?

Me: Oh. Well Touching is fine. There's no limit to how many kids you can bring into the area. Gates open at 10am.

Lady: THANK you. *Groans and rolls her eyes* It was a simple question, you know.

Me: *Fights urge to make obscene hand gestures*

Some days, I wish I stayed in bed.

Know it all: Could you tell me about the architecture?

Me: Sure. Its by -

KIA: Oh I know who did it.

Me:Okay, well then the area -

KIA: I know all about that area.

Me:... Okay...so..what do you want to know about it?

KIA: What is your opinion on the columns?

Me: Oh, I like them.

KIA: Then let me tell you why you're wrong.

Me: *deep sigh*


*******

Angry Dude: Are you someone who can sort out this ticket problem I have?

Me: I'm sorry, no.

AD: Then who can?!

Me: Wel,l the person who does is out of the office. All the staff is since its a holiday.

AD: Well, no one has called me back today, so I came in to get this solved. Get me someone, now.

Me: I'm sorry. You'll have to call tomorrow since its a holiday I can give you the name and extension of -

AD: *Slams his hand on my desk* I ALREADY HAVE IT! I DON"T WANT IT AGAIN! YOU ARE USELESS!!

Me: *discreetly flips hims off as he leaves*


*******

Me: *is hurrying back from her break, two hot coffees in her hands and his ran into by a kid, splashing hot coffee all down the front of me Ow Ow Ow!*

Mother: *To her kid* Hey, say sorry!

Kid: Huh? Oh. Sorry...*They keep on walking on walking*

Me: AAHHH! *is running to the restroom before her flesh melts off*


I'm alright. No burns or long term damage.