No Means NO, Not "Just a Peek"

I catch a couple ladies trying to sneak into a closed area.

Me: I'm sorry ladies, but that area is closed.

Lady 1: But the lights are on.

Me: We're doing work in there. You can't go in. But you can go to this area.

Lady 2: This area is closed?

Me: Yes.

Lady 1: Okay. We're just going to take a peek inside.

Me: I'm sorry, you can't go in there. Its closed and there is construction.

Lady 2: Just a peek! We'll be right back!

Me: No! Its CLOSED!

Lady 1: We'll only be a second!

Me: Ma'am, you can't - *They dash inside the closed area* AUUUUGHH! *I run after them*

Both of them were annoyed with me for chasing them out of the building.

Another Day...

Guest: Whats the photography policy?

Me: You can take non-flash photography.

Guest: But I don't know how to turn my flash off.

Me: I'm sorry, you won't be able to use your camera then.

Guest: That's totally unfair. I'm going to use my camera anyway.

Me:...No.

**********

Guest: So what's this Thursday night event you're doing?

Me: Well, every Thursday this summer we stay open late. We have free admission between these hours, we have a cash bar, live music, you can bring a picnic out to our garden area, and we also give tours and workshops!

Guest: ...So nothing else is happening other than you're open late.

Me:...Umm. No.

Guest: So what else do you offer than extended hours then?

Me: Things we don't do everyday like free admission, a cash bar, live music, picnicking, tours, and workshops.

Guest: Mmmm...Yeah, doesn't sound like anything different.

I Am Disenchanted With Your Shenanigans.

Me: I'm sorry sir, you have to leave your backpack at the front desk.

Old Man: How do you expect me to take photos without my backpack?

Me: Oh, you can bring your camera-

Old Man: *Cackles* I'm just kidding with you! You thought I was serious!

**minutes later**

Old Man: How long have you been working here?

Me: Nine years.

Old Man: And in those nine years...have you ever wondered what wood your desk is made out of?

Me:...No.

Old Man: Well, its OAK! 

Me: *stares at him*

Old Man: Want to know how I know?

Me:...No.

**A few more minutes later**

Old Man: I want to make sure you're keeping an eye on my backpack.

Me: I will watch it for you, I promise.

Old Man: Good...because I have TWO GUNS inside it! Because I'M from TEXAS you know! Because Texans do that and you people don't! 

Me: ....*looks at him flatly*

Old Man: *waiting for a shocked response*

Me: ...and?

Old Man: ...Uh...well-

Me: I don't find that shocking.

Old Man: Well-

Me: My husband owns a gun. 

Old Man: Oh I-

Me: Do you need anything else or should I call security on your two guns?

Old Man: *Frowns* No, I don't have two guns.

Me: Have a nice day.

I'm Not Well Versed in Interpretive Dance.

Lady: Hi I want to bring in 50 students to the free area but I have questions.

Me: Okay. Just to let you know, that area doesn't open for another 30 minutes.

Lady: I know that, but I just want to know.. *makes hand gesture*

Me:.. If its entirely free?

Lady: No! I want to know ... *hand gesture*

Me: ..I'm not sure what you are asking.

Lady: *sighs* I JUST need to know... *hand gestures*

Me: *Stares* We open the gates at 10am?

Lady: Its a simple question! Can they.. *Hand gestures*

Me: ....Touch things?

Lady: *sighs*No!

Me: Then I'm not sure what you want to know, M'am.

Lady:What are the basic rules to the area and can I bring 50 kids in?

Me: Oh. Well Touching is fine. There's no limit to how many kids you can bring into the area. Gates open at 10am.

Lady: THANK you. *Groans and rolls her eyes* It was a simple question, you know.

Me: *Fights urge to make obscene hand gestures*

Some days, I wish I stayed in bed.

Know it all: Could you tell me about the architecture?

Me: Sure. Its by -

KIA: Oh I know who did it.

Me:Okay, well then the area -

KIA: I know all about that area.

Me:... Okay...so..what do you want to know about it?

KIA: What is your opinion on the columns?

Me: Oh, I like them.

KIA: Then let me tell you why you're wrong.

Me: *deep sigh*


*******

Angry Dude: Are you someone who can sort out this ticket problem I have?

Me: I'm sorry, no.

AD: Then who can?!

Me: Wel,l the person who does is out of the office. All the staff is since its a holiday.

AD: Well, no one has called me back today, so I came in to get this solved. Get me someone, now.

Me: I'm sorry. You'll have to call tomorrow since its a holiday I can give you the name and extension of -

AD: *Slams his hand on my desk* I ALREADY HAVE IT! I DON"T WANT IT AGAIN! YOU ARE USELESS!!

Me: *discreetly flips hims off as he leaves*


*******

Me: *is hurrying back from her break, two hot coffees in her hands and his ran into by a kid, splashing hot coffee all down the front of me Ow Ow Ow!*

Mother: *To her kid* Hey, say sorry!

Kid: Huh? Oh. Sorry...*They keep on walking on walking*

Me: AAHHH! *is running to the restroom before her flesh melts off*


I'm alright. No burns or long term damage.

Like a circle in a spiral like a wheel within a wheel...

Student: I'd like to come in.

Me: I'm sorry. We're closed. We're going to be closed until June due to construction.

Student: I don't get it.

Me: We have some construction happening so we won't be open for a few weeks.

Student: But my teacher said I could come here.

Me: I'm sorry. They were mistaken. We're closed.

Student: So I can't go inside.

Me: No.

Student: Why not?

Me: ...Because we are closed until June.

Student: Why?

Me: ..Because we are under construction.

Student: But my teacher told me to come here.

Me: I get that. But we're closed.

Student:  So I can't go inside?

Me: *blinks* No.

Student: Why not?

Me: Because...we're...Closed.

Student: Why?

Me: We're... Under...Construction.

Student:... But my teacher-

Me: I'm sorry, you're going to have to leave.

I'm the %1, I guess?

Crazy Lady: I'd like an admission.

Me: I'm sorry Ma'am. We're closed today. We're closed every Wednesday.

CL: *look of shock* NO! That so...STINKY!!!**

Me: I'm very sorry. But this area is open if you'd like to visit there and we'll be fully open tomorrow at 11am.

So she goes into the shop and I figured that's it. She comes back out again and THIS conversation happens. Imagine this conversation happening with a forced smile on my face.

CL: Do you have a brochure?

Me:We don't at this time, but you can find some information in here *hands her other info pamphlets* and this one gives you information on our cell phone tour which is for free. You can also go to our Website and find out even more if you have computer access.

CL:...You people are elitist!

Me:...I'm sorry?

CL: You don't offer ANY FREE brochures AND you're closed which makes you very inaccessible to me. I feel you only want the elite in here.

Me: I'm sorry you feel that way Ma'am. I assure you we are only closed on Wednesdays.

CL: Well you didn't post that ANYWHERE on your building.

Me: Well...We actually have it posted here *points to the big sign out front* and there *points to the big sign behind me*.

CL: Well.... Its all written too small! And you don't include ANY information for the public about anything!

ME: You can find information in the pamphlet I just handed to you.

CL: *Tears it open* Oh yeah?! Where? Where?! WHEEEERREEE! *shakes the pamphlet.

Me: *Gets out of her chair and points to front page* Right there.

CL:..Its not enough information! *keep in mind she is also saying this while standing in front of a wall that gives you a complete rundown of  our location* So VERY elitist here! I can't even go inside?!

Me: I'm sorry Ma'am. We're closed every Wednesday to everyone. But will be open tomorrow at 11am.

CL: I HAVE A LIFE!!! I can't possibly be here when its convenient for YOU!

Me:  I'm sorry then?

CL: SEE?! Your reaction is Elitist!!! You don't even want to accommodate me!

Me: I'm sorry Ma'am. But we're closed today. We're open every other day of the week though from 11am to 5pm.

CL:This place has SO gone down hill. And its become SO snobbish. I'll come back but I'm sure I won't be welcomed! *starts to storm out*

ME: Well we hope to see you soon! Have a good day and enjoy the sunshine!

CL: *Makes a barn yard animal noise*



**Yes, she DID use the word stinky.