No Means NO, Not "Just a Peek"

I catch a couple ladies trying to sneak into a closed area.

Me: I'm sorry ladies, but that area is closed.

Lady 1: But the lights are on.

Me: We're doing work in there. You can't go in. But you can go to this area.

Lady 2: This area is closed?

Me: Yes.

Lady 1: Okay. We're just going to take a peek inside.

Me: I'm sorry, you can't go in there. Its closed and there is construction.

Lady 2: Just a peek! We'll be right back!

Me: No! Its CLOSED!

Lady 1: We'll only be a second!

Me: Ma'am, you can't - *They dash inside the closed area* AUUUUGHH! *I run after them*

Both of them were annoyed with me for chasing them out of the building.

Another Day...

Guest: Whats the photography policy?

Me: You can take non-flash photography.

Guest: But I don't know how to turn my flash off.

Me: I'm sorry, you won't be able to use your camera then.

Guest: That's totally unfair. I'm going to use my camera anyway.

Me:...No.

**********

Guest: So what's this Thursday night event you're doing?

Me: Well, every Thursday this summer we stay open late. We have free admission between these hours, we have a cash bar, live music, you can bring a picnic out to our garden area, and we also give tours and workshops!

Guest: ...So nothing else is happening other than you're open late.

Me:...Umm. No.

Guest: So what else do you offer than extended hours then?

Me: Things we don't do everyday like free admission, a cash bar, live music, picnicking, tours, and workshops.

Guest: Mmmm...Yeah, doesn't sound like anything different.

I Am Disenchanted With Your Shenanigans.

Me: I'm sorry sir, you have to leave your backpack at the front desk.

Old Man: How do you expect me to take photos without my backpack?

Me: Oh, you can bring your camera-

Old Man: *Cackles* I'm just kidding with you! You thought I was serious!

**minutes later**

Old Man: How long have you been working here?

Me: Nine years.

Old Man: And in those nine years...have you ever wondered what wood your desk is made out of?

Me:...No.

Old Man: Well, its OAK! 

Me: *stares at him*

Old Man: Want to know how I know?

Me:...No.

**A few more minutes later**

Old Man: I want to make sure you're keeping an eye on my backpack.

Me: I will watch it for you, I promise.

Old Man: Good...because I have TWO GUNS inside it! Because I'M from TEXAS you know! Because Texans do that and you people don't! 

Me: ....*looks at him flatly*

Old Man: *waiting for a shocked response*

Me: ...and?

Old Man: ...Uh...well-

Me: I don't find that shocking.

Old Man: Well-

Me: My husband owns a gun. 

Old Man: Oh I-

Me: Do you need anything else or should I call security on your two guns?

Old Man: *Frowns* No, I don't have two guns.

Me: Have a nice day.

I'm Not Well Versed in Interpretive Dance.

Lady: Hi I want to bring in 50 students to the free area but I have questions.

Me: Okay. Just to let you know, that area doesn't open for another 30 minutes.

Lady: I know that, but I just want to know.. *makes hand gesture*

Me:.. If its entirely free?

Lady: No! I want to know ... *hand gesture*

Me: ..I'm not sure what you are asking.

Lady: *sighs* I JUST need to know... *hand gestures*

Me: *Stares* We open the gates at 10am?

Lady: Its a simple question! Can they.. *Hand gestures*

Me: ....Touch things?

Lady: *sighs*No!

Me: Then I'm not sure what you want to know, M'am.

Lady:What are the basic rules to the area and can I bring 50 kids in?

Me: Oh. Well Touching is fine. There's no limit to how many kids you can bring into the area. Gates open at 10am.

Lady: THANK you. *Groans and rolls her eyes* It was a simple question, you know.

Me: *Fights urge to make obscene hand gestures*